Hey Mack, Go SCRUM Yourself

After a weekend off from thinking about IT, my job or the growth of my accounts receivable to intolerable levels, I have come back and started drilling on Deep Learning. As I watch my k-folds do their thing, I started thinking ways to improve myself while slowing going bankrupt. I thought about Agile programming in general and SCRUM specifically. Now this is a funny statement and one that will likely be controversial but I hate SCRUM.

I hate SCRUM. It is not because I believe it does not work. I absolutely believe that it does. It’s not that I hate the process because I don’t. What makes me hate SCRUM is it give permission for management to violate its terms because they call it SCRUM.

Wait a minute, you can’t hate SCRUM for management not following it.

Like hell I can’t. I have been in dozens of SCRUM meetings that went on 5 hours. I have been through countless SCRUM meetings that go on for over an hour. This has been in the public sector, fortune 500 sector and the small business sector. Everyone uses it as a license to hold meeting with developers who are notorious for not liking meeting. Since it is only like 15 minutes, you should do it free. Another thing I hate, ongoing free labor. Oh did I mention the multiple dozens of 5 HOUR SCRUM meetings. You too would hate SCRUM if it ate up half your paycheck.

I realize that is very much the exception, rather than the rule but I just do not participate in non programmer driven SCRUM meetings unless you paying for my butt in the chair. As a general rule, if you want a consultant’s butt in chair for an hour then you better be paying.

You’re kind of crabby.

Not getting paid in several months can do that to someone. Especially when they are accruing additional hours on the project. Hopefully this is nearly done. I learned a hard lesson on this beast. The business environment appears to be improving for my client so I should get paid but it is hard to keep the faith as digits keep increase on the bill.

So I hate SCRUM. It feels better to get that out. Now, how can I reverse that sad state of affairs and how can I implement it in my current environment? I’m single dev with multiple clients. I cannot really lean on people to eliminate road block for me since they don’t exist.

I do think I can figure out a SCRUM method that will improve my end product. A self SCRUM so to speak. Anyway, this is just a random post talking about nothing but maybe just maybe I can dig into the SCRUM pile and get something useful out it for a lone wolf.

Oh crap, what are you about to do?

I am going to learn to love SCRUM dammit. I want to figure out how I can bring its virtues into my little shop despite having no one to SCRUM.

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